death...

death brings about a million different emotions for folk.... some leaving distress and pain... others remembering memories of laughter and fun... pushing times of differences aside and bringing back whats real...

i'll be clean for you...

the biggest morning tea..... and what it means to me....

today amongst family and friends we baked, laughed, drank and raised money for australia's biggest morning tea..... not only did it give us an excuse to share time together, but a chance to appreciate what we have....


it wasn't all too long ago when my family was hit with the disease... i remember the moment in which i found out my father had cancer.... with his face white and his eyes looking down, he walked into the office 'this thing is going to kill me'... my heart sank but with determination and was yet to learn strength we spoke about what had exactly happened at his appointment... the word 'cancer' itself has a huge effect on people... most stories we remember about this disease often ended with death and heartache.... in that moment we didn't know all the facts... being the longest 3 days i had ever encountered i discovered my father had the disease 'mantel cell lymphoma....

bringing our world down and disposing disbelief into our hearts... we took each day and new discovery about the disease with an open mind.... i had never cried so much like i had done... this was my father, the strongest man i had ever known... through hospital appointments, chemo treatments and blood transfusions, i discovered feelings of hate, patience, love and sadness.... each giving my family a little more strength.... i learnt that my mother was strong... she held us together with hope that all would be fine... attempting to give us much love and happiness... we had moments where dad wasn't all too good... leaving him in isolation and restricting our time together.... i wanted to be there every day... i needed to be there, he needed me to be there... every moment counted... there were moments when life was looking good and days didn't seem all to bad, often giving us that wee bit more hope... during this time we also spoke of such nonsense of what we were to do if all went wrong... i hated this talk.... my dad was going to be fine... often people would share their sympathy and thoughts on how they felt bout dad... i knew, i was his daughter... i remember times that i selfishly wished my sister was by my side, just so i had someone who felt the way i did... and if i felt like this, imagine how dad felt...
cancer bruised that time for all of us... leaving a scar...



today's biggest morning tea brought a whole lot of memories back for me... but standing side by side with dad i knew we gained one of the biggest things in life....

'every moment counts'

drunken nights don't always lead to happy endings....
but abstract memories...

she walks through the streets with the deliberate perception that today is yet untouched... giving others false reason to consider more than the truth hidden deep inside... her words flow with wisdom and impudence allowing others to gain the subtle pleasure of moments to come... making her own day blinded by unimportant issues.... poised with strength she stands only holding on to a piece of thread.... her feet with no actual ground bringing animosity and sadness to that of a heart which is too exhausted.... days bringing her heartache and pain causing hopes and thoughts to tarnish with time... whispering the words 'why me???' she has yet to discover the growth she will someday soon hold over those around her...

she looks
she smiles,
she speaks

???

'does it mean you're getting old when you find a grey pube???' this aint often the question i am expected to answer while drinking tea with friends...