i can't wait to meet you....

secrets...

some secrets are kept just to keep ourselves safe... but often it when we let them out we feel the safest....

pregnant women
can be so rude
at times....
them and their
stupid prams....

your absence

has left me lonely

today.....

there is something about you and me....
we are so similar....



happy birthday padre... xxx

i stand on a cloud, with no real understanding of what is happening around me... yes you may see me before you... engaging in conversation.... although my thoughts are elsewhere.... don't think it's personal... there are just other things on my mind....

on my first day you held my hand, and on your last day i held yours....

it's hard writing, when all i'm thinking about is you...

there is something missing...

carnations...

94 years and all you get are carnations??

nonna angela...

with the fear of what was to come, a long boat ride ahead and two hearts filled with love the torcasio journey began.... a journey which was sure to leave an impression of that, not only on a family but a whole series of generations... a continuous flow of love, truth and uniqueness...

nonna angela had a smile from cheek to cheek, a cupboard filled with treats and the subtle but enduring sense of security that captured us all... she filled each of our lives with much love... blessing us with our grandparents and parents... building our past and family tree... her words making there way through us all, teaching us influential values and traditions...

today nonna leaves us all with unforgettable memories, determination that much can be achieved in life and a incomparable family bond ... a celebration of a women who has survived the times and inprinted our hearts...

she leaves behind a special gift....
a road to which she began and one which only we can persevere and build...


and we thank you nonna
xxx

remember...

do you still remember that you were the first to see me when i was born???

how bout all those times we squished round your kitchen table all trying to have dinner together???

remember the lolly jar in the back room??? you had every sweet... we would sneak into that cupboard and take lollies when no one was around... but i'm sure you knew all about it..

watching you lay there in this moment... all seems so unreal... holding your warm, fragile hand, i take advantage of any chance to smother you with kisses...

i remember you so clearly....

and i know you still remember me....

xxx

puff puff puff

can't really think of all too much....
one smoke down

puff puff puff

when winters sticks round for while you begin to miss summer... all you want is that warmth on your face...
then when summer comes, all you long for is cold nights on the couch....

i told you...

it was something that i couldn't talk about...
where moments when i thought about it made me sick and ill...
i thought that if i ignored it long enough, it would just disappear... but it didn't
lingering over my head waiting for moments like now to hit me with the feelings of hatred, dirtiness and disgust...
making me ache...
you knew i hid something...
and somehow i couldn't keep that from you...
i don't want sympathy or words to inspire...
i just thank you for listening...

completely unaware and confounded , i have discovered a sense of uneasiness which has towered over me for the past few days... thoughts of despair, loss and hurt creeping

way into my subconsciousness mind leaving me with unwanted thoughts and actions... knowing that this feeling may not necessarily have anything to do with me, i feel like i

have a sense of ownership to where this may be leading...

something ain't right...

mum....

unlike other mums, my mum belongs to me...
she makes everything just right...
her love... just right
her food... just right
her hugs... just right
and her words... just right...

my mum has proved to be the most amazing women in the world.. she has shown the strength to make everything alright... given my siblings and i a home filled with love and openness... where truth is all that's spoken and hugs make everything better...

someday i hope to be a least half the women she is...

happy birthday mum.... xxx

an italian affair...

family: any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.

Italian: a native or inhabitant of Italy, or a person of Italian descent.

so it's salami time again, when everyone gets together at nonna's for some high class slaughtering, mincing, seasoning, gourmet pasta and love... it's when you arrive home from work with pigs lined up hanging from the verandah... a time where all seems completely wrong but love over rules everything... where the children get to play with eyes and run around haunting folk with blood... and the adults sing to old village tunes... a chance for the whole family to get together to argue, laugh and talk... where traditions are all we follow and being Italian truly comes out... this is what i call family...

as i lay each of you one by one into what seems to be the the colour to who you are and where you come from... over and over again... making sure you have not been placed into someone elses life... attempting to give you a spot in this community... and where each move i make can determine your address, parents and condition... in that moment i focus only on you...

a day of filing has made me brain dead...

sometimes i love the way winter holds you tight indoors, giving you no option but to snuggle up on the couch with a good book or movie.. although the boredom sometimes kicks in, it's really all you want to do when you get home from work... winter i'm embracing you this time round....

nothing like rain on a tin roof, cake in the oven and a bit of love on it's way over.... mmmm i love a good winters night...

i'll just wait with hopes that someday you might just walk by....

i now am surround with what i believe is all i need... but when you're present, i feel like i want more...

i hate colds...

with my nose runny, my eyes burning and my chest tightly aching... i have finally been initiated into the season of winter... where outings diminish and hot vegie soups sooth... where the only companion you find yourself sitting by on the couch is your Kleenex tissue box and the smell of eucalyptus lingers through the air...

oh cold... how i hate you...

there were many...

there were many folk there last night... all gathered together for the celebration of me... giving me feelings of overwhemness, love, happiness and friendship.... folk that i have chosen to be my family... people i have meet along my journey, each leaving a footprint in my heart... xxx

i dream't of you....

i dreamt of you last night...
i touched your face and felt the realness of your skin...
you held me like you once had before, bringing back warmth and security...
i didn't want to let go, let alone wake....
within moments you were back on that boat, whispering goodbye...
'just 5 more minutes nonno, please stay'
with tears running down my face, i saw you wave one last time...

i woke with you on my mind and a tear on my cheek... just when time was slipping us apart... we meet again...

tanti baci nonno xxx