my wish for my year.....

my wish for the year of me....

i wish to continue to be as happy as i have been for the past 28 years, bringing new hopes and adventures to discover... may i learn to be more assertive with how i feel, giving folk that chance to step that little bit closer... i wish for world peace and lower tax rates.... i wish to think healthy and feel healthy or just enough to fit into that little black dress... i hope to conquer more than the heights i reached last year... i wish that soy milk didn't cost that extra 50 cents in a latte... i wish the month of june gives us at least 1 hot day to remember...

i wish that my 29th starts with a wish and leaves with a blissful memory....

farewell...

i bid farewell to my 28th year...

you taught me that life is more than whats at the end of a beer bottle...
and that with every new experience comes knowledge, love and difference...
you taught me that it aint really true that money dont grow on trees...
you gave me knew folk to wonder with, bringing friendships i will cherish...
and teaching me the true significance of family and friends...

you taught me that i will never be the child i was but the women i will become...

thank you...

and with much love and regret

i bid farewell...

we went to that party together...
and in all that hussle and noise...
i felt you kick...
you know what, you don't have bad taste in music..

to my disfunctional but well cherished family.........

i remember the time i surprised you....
i learnt so much that day....
how much you mean to me...
how lucky i am to have you...
how much i love you...
sometimes i wish i could relive that moment over and over again...

big hugs and kisses

me

hide behind me... i'll be your shadow....

death...

death brings about a million different emotions for folk.... some leaving distress and pain... others remembering memories of laughter and fun... pushing times of differences aside and bringing back whats real...

i'll be clean for you...

the biggest morning tea..... and what it means to me....

today amongst family and friends we baked, laughed, drank and raised money for australia's biggest morning tea..... not only did it give us an excuse to share time together, but a chance to appreciate what we have....


it wasn't all too long ago when my family was hit with the disease... i remember the moment in which i found out my father had cancer.... with his face white and his eyes looking down, he walked into the office 'this thing is going to kill me'... my heart sank but with determination and was yet to learn strength we spoke about what had exactly happened at his appointment... the word 'cancer' itself has a huge effect on people... most stories we remember about this disease often ended with death and heartache.... in that moment we didn't know all the facts... being the longest 3 days i had ever encountered i discovered my father had the disease 'mantel cell lymphoma....

bringing our world down and disposing disbelief into our hearts... we took each day and new discovery about the disease with an open mind.... i had never cried so much like i had done... this was my father, the strongest man i had ever known... through hospital appointments, chemo treatments and blood transfusions, i discovered feelings of hate, patience, love and sadness.... each giving my family a little more strength.... i learnt that my mother was strong... she held us together with hope that all would be fine... attempting to give us much love and happiness... we had moments where dad wasn't all too good... leaving him in isolation and restricting our time together.... i wanted to be there every day... i needed to be there, he needed me to be there... every moment counted... there were moments when life was looking good and days didn't seem all to bad, often giving us that wee bit more hope... during this time we also spoke of such nonsense of what we were to do if all went wrong... i hated this talk.... my dad was going to be fine... often people would share their sympathy and thoughts on how they felt bout dad... i knew, i was his daughter... i remember times that i selfishly wished my sister was by my side, just so i had someone who felt the way i did... and if i felt like this, imagine how dad felt...
cancer bruised that time for all of us... leaving a scar...



today's biggest morning tea brought a whole lot of memories back for me... but standing side by side with dad i knew we gained one of the biggest things in life....

'every moment counts'

drunken nights don't always lead to happy endings....
but abstract memories...

she walks through the streets with the deliberate perception that today is yet untouched... giving others false reason to consider more than the truth hidden deep inside... her words flow with wisdom and impudence allowing others to gain the subtle pleasure of moments to come... making her own day blinded by unimportant issues.... poised with strength she stands only holding on to a piece of thread.... her feet with no actual ground bringing animosity and sadness to that of a heart which is too exhausted.... days bringing her heartache and pain causing hopes and thoughts to tarnish with time... whispering the words 'why me???' she has yet to discover the growth she will someday soon hold over those around her...

she looks
she smiles,
she speaks

???

'does it mean you're getting old when you find a grey pube???' this aint often the question i am expected to answer while drinking tea with friends...

and....

you watch...
you talk...
you kiss...
you touch...

and you love....

when...

when will normality hit???
i just want what most folk have....

lies....

lies... there are many different types of lies... we have white lies... black lies... there are even shades of grey lies... lies which are deceiving... and lies with the intention to protect others... look around you... see their faces, the laughter in their eyes... the way they communicate with one another... the gestures... the conversation flowing from one mouth to another... promises which never make it to the surface... lies...

with their smiles....

it often seizes my attention when i am surrounded by families... watching their interactions with one another... admiring their smiles as they wonder through the paths pointing to all the animals with such amazement and curiosity... parents composing themselves as their children grumble and whine in so much as just wanting to complete the day quickly as possible... all in hopes of not missing any opportunity.... giving the bundles of families around the same discerness they mirror back.... and then giving folk such as myself and those alike a possible false perception that it aint really all that demanding... all with their smiles.... are they really all that happy???

real beauty....

her exterior is like a flowing ripple of water... but the deepness of reality and wonder which lay's within her, shines only in the truth of words...listen as she speaks...

the inner innocence which steers every word into a world of pure ecstasy... the luminosity in her eyes... the emotion she brings forth... feel the sensation and beauty soon pour into the world of you and those around her...

real magic she has unravelled has been stimulated by the simplicity of her surroundings... the influences which have guided her along her journey... disregarding the untruth she is confronted with in

each passing day... and captivating the true purpose and sensation of what is truly significant... all that one desires, can simply be found in the heart of the beholder...

real beauty...

equal rights.....

marriage:
–noun
1. the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc.


i have yet to discover the beauty and delicacy of marriage... when two people stand with great gratification in front of only those who have known them and declare their definition of love... their interpretations of what is right to them and thoughs around them.... and to this i ponder on that in a country where freedom of speech and equal rights is the substance and the core to which we call australia home, why doesn't everybody get a chance???


having never understood how marriage can change ones life so dramatically, i took the challenge and with great solace walked the streets of melbourne today with other folk alike, supporting same sex marriages... although my beliefs of marriage differ to many folk i blustered tunes of equability along with many other mums, brothers, nieces, sisters and friends... where clusters of bodies gathered for the same belief... folk whom all love, believe and hurt alike...


this rally wasn't just about marriage, it was about belonging... feeling supported, safe and real... giving one a sense of ownership on ones life... in hopes that someday the right of free speech and equal rights will be real for all...