i say goodbye to a year i thank and hate...
you taught me what real love is, bringing a beautiful angel into my life...
you took the oldest person i ever knew away from me, leaving me with sadness and comfort....
you brought me many experiences, giving me memories and friendships i will hold forever...
you gave me responsibility in ways i never imagine but somehow i thank...
and you leave me with strength, acceptance and hope that next year can only be better....

Some friends just are meant to be...

37 degrees and loving it...

time for change....

leave him alone...

and with this i thank you for making this day one i will never forget... when time seems to be ripped out of our hands, days like today bring everything back into perspective...

MERRY CHRISTMAS...

This christmas all I want is more time...

which turn is next???

thinking positively...

STOP

there is something bout you i think i'm attracted too...

i almost can't believe i now stand in this position....

and to this my time has ended....

to wait is half my problem....

my year lays in your hands...

i did my best...

now you choose...

to apply for one's future i have to sell myself???

i can't do that....

i'm just angry...

I just need time and rest...

It seems as though that time is coming closer....

this smile means nothing...

i opened my eyes....
does that mean i don't care??

and with all the family they have loved and cared for over the years they still have love for more....

damn time...
why do you move so fast???

Time to just sleep...

Happy when I speak to you....

is it 'actions speak louder than words???'
or
'words speak louder than actions???'

with what was once to be quality of life, society has taken that of instinct into a future which lies only in that of a text book...

applying for my year...

if only luck was so easy...

SO DRY...

I want to hug you till you pop....

each day changes you...

sometimes it's harder to understand...








but then you distract me...

sometimes there aint an issue but a time of silence....

i feel like ricotta...

behind the glasses, lies a heart full of pain...

movie montage time...

Where is my connection gone

who knows really...

i might be greedy but i ain't ready to loose my dad....

it was nice soaking up the sun...

the future
scares me
without you...

your actions hurt me....

SAD

don't make me feel guilty... i feel it too...

oh my goodness... perfect!!!

looking for your shoes...

i don't want to learn about death....

feel like i've done the wrong thing...

I AM

A

GROWN UP...

have i just stepped back in time???

COMFORT...

or is this a new road???

thats life aye???

control
is
an
illusion...

i wish for better days and change but i know it wont happen any day soon... so right now it's the challenge of accepting and adapting to what's happening around....

wondering...

with curiosity and some what amazement i wonder the streets of the city, with not much thought other than to which cider i will be purchasing next... with the rain attempting to have some sort of impact on me, i ignore and move onto the next bar....

some things are too funny...

TRICK OR TREAT???

some people you just love more...

hors d'evours....
who needs the main...

nobody likes a desperate person...

so much has changed in so little time...

wanna love me for the night....

36 minutes with so much to say...
see how time just flies and i haven't even applied my mascara...

so this is what life gives us???
a bunch of tasks and not enough time to do them..........

i can't
make
any
promises....

the one thing i will probably never do in life but i have to fucken deal with every week...

it's when life lifts you up....
then drops you on the floor again...

you did so well...
you made me smile...

i wanna do bad things to you....

i aint just a number... i'm part of the click....

i aint just a number... i'm part of the click....

i want to touch you inappropriately...

and sometimes you shine....

all i have left is this camera....

i just hope that with all this heartache, loss and hate, i will someday learn to believe all over again...

your tears hurt my heart because i love you so much... x

*numb*

PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS, MY ARSE....

who said chips???

with confidence comes change....

.F.R.A.G.I.L.E.

life can take control of you at anytime.... just like that and you're gone...

10 years ago, one week seemed an eternity...
now you blink and it's gone...

if it's so fucken embarrassing, why does everyone know about it???

laying low...

learning to take moments in life for what they are is often harder than one can imagine...

sun, you make everything alright...

last night still lingering in my mind...
sweet memories....

i
hope
i'm
right...

maybe i was wrong... again....

is watching you on the big screen...

this could be fun...

and i would like to see you again...

so i got a little distracted....

the suspense of what is yet to come...

i
am
an
invention...

count...

some things just ain't meant to be all too easy...
watching your emotions take over today, i knew i had to be the strong one..
the one who is going to try and keep her family happy...
time is challenging each of us... now all we have to do is challenge time...

sometimes your position or status can determine whether you can have an opinion or not...

yesterday, how did i miss you???

keeping it opened....

my heart don't feel all too good...

with a family so strong, sometimes all we can do is cry...

xxx

what are you wearing???

can i still feel upset even though i understand???

the sound of silence, with only the fridge buzzing............. bliss

where my outlook is different and my beliefs stay strong...

i'm
ch
ch
ch
changing...

let people see who you truly are...
you have so much to show off....

i ain't being cold...
i just think we just have to make every moment count....

so much control you have on me... logging off and on...

can
my head
feel
any
heavier???

week 1 down....
and mission accomplished....
lets see if i can do it again.....

i wish i could say this out loud....

i wish i could say this out loud to you...
and tell you what i know is true....

you mean the world to me....

has been attacked by ayda the space invader.............

then sometimes we
learn the
hard way...

with all the days i've lived.... i still seem to ask loads of questions....

if i sing, will you tell me to shhhh???

evening conversations often bringing much light and curiosity to that of a heart longing for a honest distraction....

with no expectation of what is yet to be unraveled... i look forward to your return...


to this i thank you for your words..

good times....

sun = sunglasses = good times

together we are tougher...

my family is one that can only be described as 'different'... a family with much closeness, realness and honesty... where personalities are so different and morals so alike... where opinions cause arguments and are often left with no real agreement but the understanding that we all make our own choices... where togetherness brings enjoyment and good times.... and we each get a chance to be the joke of the party... a family where this week we may not see each other but next we will over do it.... where when life stumbles on one, we together with much love and hope continue to make each day count....

and together we are so much tougher....



with much heartache and tears we once again find ourselves battling that of another sickness... one leaving us with loads of questions why and how....

for so long we have embraced life's struggles with love and laughter... bringing so much hope and positiveness into our home... taking on each high and low with an open mind...

but how long can we be strong without ever really breaking down????

as i sit here alone i discover that my once cherished quiet time has now turned into that of a nightmare... where my thoughts have time to develop into undesired anger and loss... my tears unable to find any real ending and my heart aching for that i know i will someday too soon lose....
adjusting to this new challenge i find myself scared and troubled not only for my family and i but that of my nephew who has yet to discover the gentle, strong man my father is....
still living in disbelief i find myself hoping that this may all be a dream and somehow i miss interpreted everything that was said.... but i know it's true...

life is going to change in big giant steps for my family and i.... and all i can do is pray in hope that time gives us a little longer than what we know...
and with each day comes strength....

together we are tougher...

if i knew back then what i know now...
i would of joined the circus long ago....

can't wait for the sun...

is
hoping
this
is
just
a
dream...

i don't like the chances...

will it ever stop???

i don't think i can do it....

will love
change with
time???

my eyes feel quite heavy.............
but i just don't want to sleep....

love...

this year i have learnt how the
loss of real love can rip you apart

and how the birth of new love can
capture your heart in a world of pure ecstasy....

this is me....

i think i just feel in love......

don't have time now....

there is a baby coming....

all in preperation for you...

40 minutes.....

just a call....

all in preperation for you....

30 minutes.....

the rush

15 minutes...

a pounding heart....

20 minutes....

a tear....

5 minutes....

the embrace....

25 minutes...

the smile...

all in preperation for you....

time is changing....

i think it finally hit what all this fuss is.....
exactly what everyone has been talking bout for a while....
i thought i had prepared myself but somehow i was wrong...
a little time today got me thinking bout it...
with a tear and a smile i know that this is really it...
time is changing...

we're not gross...
we just don't know when to stop....

this is me....

touch me....

if i could only make you happy....

it wasn't the same without you today....

i
hope
you
think
the
same....

hi....


i like your shoes...

box....

so you're putting me in a box cause i don't like the things that you like...
that maybe i was trying to be rebellious just so i wasn't what they called the norm...
fighting against what society believes is right...

well you know what???

i wish i was just being rebellious...

club...

we're going to start a club... it's called 'la famiglia'
only the special kind are invited...

if your top gets caught on a tombstone... does it mean it's your turn next???

weird...

is it just me or does everything seem a little weird???

then sometimes people only care half as much...

miss...

i'm scared i'm going to miss that day... when time will change and my thoughts on love will differ... where lessons are learn't and family will grow...
i'm scared i'm going to miss that day, when i will get to hold you tight before others will see... where emotions will conquer and tears will pour...
i'm scared i'm going to miss that day....

wink....

did you just wink???

growing up...

the shittest thing about growing up is watching the folk you love most getting old...

i don't
think i
can do it
all over
again...

chamomile and lemon makes my tummy feel better....

time...

time seems to be moving a whole lot faster than i am... where did the last month go???
for me it was yesterday i held your hand...
when i combed your hair and whispered how much i loved you...
sitting beside your bed i knew we didn't have much longer but with every hope i could gather i could only imagine...
your passing left a subtle sense that a blessing had occured, but bruised me like no other...

sending much love way up high.... xxx

don't forget to look up...

you

confuse

me....

your eyes are intriguing
and your lips are appealing...

then sometimes...

then sometimes someone says something that makes you happy...
you begin to feel content with yourself...
and the road you've been following ain't that different after all...

cause we all stand on the same page...

it don't matter how old you are,
your hopes and desires are quite similar...

it don't matter how wise you are,
your expectations are the same...

it don't matter how big you are,
your need to feel love will not differ from others...

it don't matter how short you are,
your opinions count too...

it don't matter how educated you are,
you're just as important as they are...




it don't matter how old you are,
cause we all stand on the same page...

so loved...

so loved and we haven't even meet you yet....

with your animated expressions... i can't help but stare...

where should we go from here...

yesterday i thought i had you...
then today i lost you...

everyone has a motive...

now what's mine???

i miss holding you...

sometimes it
does matter
where you

come from...

honesty....

maybe there is something wrong with me...

just one more to go.....

family....

and with it all the family keeps growing....

my vision...

my vision... a continuous flow of water..... with a couple of ripples along the way...

confused...

i'm too confused for writing...

not...

you are not giving me what i want to hear....

alarm...

i'm afraid i will miss my alarm tomorrow morning.....

so...

so pretty, clean and virginal...
i like new things...

i believe....

i believe that the night is well more interesting than the day...
and that with every city walk comes a memorable evening....

i believe that gaytime's always tastes better when you near closer to the ice cream stick...

i believe that life always throws us obstacles when times seem all too comfortable... leaving us with abstract thoughts...

i believe that you don't have to have a religion to believe in god and that we all have a different interpretation of who he or she may be....

i believe that even though i may not seem to have any dignity, i do know whats right or wrong....

i believe that those whom have aged and survived the times, tell some of the best bed time stories....

i believe that sometimes we may not speak to one another but there is so much conversation happening...

i believe squintting at a light and watching it grow is something so beautiful...

i believe that there is nothing better than a brand new pair of socks...

and....

i believe that even though my beliefs may not be the same as yours and our opinions may differ, it's what makes the world so interesting....

begin...

with a kiss on the cheek and an enchanted smile... there was nothing more i needed to begin my day...

tear...

all i
have left is
this tear....

i think i love you...

cause everytime you leave it makes me sad...

it's my turn to play kid...

domestic...

you may be domestic
but it don't suit you....

for every...

for every blissful moment
there is a memory...

for every memory
there was a blissful moment....

single...

being single
does not mean
i have extra
time on my
hands....

i just got inked....

i can't wait to meet you....

secrets...

some secrets are kept just to keep ourselves safe... but often it when we let them out we feel the safest....

pregnant women
can be so rude
at times....
them and their
stupid prams....

your absence

has left me lonely

today.....

there is something about you and me....
we are so similar....



happy birthday padre... xxx

i stand on a cloud, with no real understanding of what is happening around me... yes you may see me before you... engaging in conversation.... although my thoughts are elsewhere.... don't think it's personal... there are just other things on my mind....

on my first day you held my hand, and on your last day i held yours....

it's hard writing, when all i'm thinking about is you...

there is something missing...

carnations...

94 years and all you get are carnations??

nonna angela...

with the fear of what was to come, a long boat ride ahead and two hearts filled with love the torcasio journey began.... a journey which was sure to leave an impression of that, not only on a family but a whole series of generations... a continuous flow of love, truth and uniqueness...

nonna angela had a smile from cheek to cheek, a cupboard filled with treats and the subtle but enduring sense of security that captured us all... she filled each of our lives with much love... blessing us with our grandparents and parents... building our past and family tree... her words making there way through us all, teaching us influential values and traditions...

today nonna leaves us all with unforgettable memories, determination that much can be achieved in life and a incomparable family bond ... a celebration of a women who has survived the times and inprinted our hearts...

she leaves behind a special gift....
a road to which she began and one which only we can persevere and build...


and we thank you nonna
xxx

remember...

do you still remember that you were the first to see me when i was born???

how bout all those times we squished round your kitchen table all trying to have dinner together???

remember the lolly jar in the back room??? you had every sweet... we would sneak into that cupboard and take lollies when no one was around... but i'm sure you knew all about it..

watching you lay there in this moment... all seems so unreal... holding your warm, fragile hand, i take advantage of any chance to smother you with kisses...

i remember you so clearly....

and i know you still remember me....

xxx

puff puff puff

can't really think of all too much....
one smoke down

puff puff puff

when winters sticks round for while you begin to miss summer... all you want is that warmth on your face...
then when summer comes, all you long for is cold nights on the couch....

i told you...

it was something that i couldn't talk about...
where moments when i thought about it made me sick and ill...
i thought that if i ignored it long enough, it would just disappear... but it didn't
lingering over my head waiting for moments like now to hit me with the feelings of hatred, dirtiness and disgust...
making me ache...
you knew i hid something...
and somehow i couldn't keep that from you...
i don't want sympathy or words to inspire...
i just thank you for listening...

completely unaware and confounded , i have discovered a sense of uneasiness which has towered over me for the past few days... thoughts of despair, loss and hurt creeping

way into my subconsciousness mind leaving me with unwanted thoughts and actions... knowing that this feeling may not necessarily have anything to do with me, i feel like i

have a sense of ownership to where this may be leading...

something ain't right...

mum....

unlike other mums, my mum belongs to me...
she makes everything just right...
her love... just right
her food... just right
her hugs... just right
and her words... just right...

my mum has proved to be the most amazing women in the world.. she has shown the strength to make everything alright... given my siblings and i a home filled with love and openness... where truth is all that's spoken and hugs make everything better...

someday i hope to be a least half the women she is...

happy birthday mum.... xxx

an italian affair...

family: any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.

Italian: a native or inhabitant of Italy, or a person of Italian descent.

so it's salami time again, when everyone gets together at nonna's for some high class slaughtering, mincing, seasoning, gourmet pasta and love... it's when you arrive home from work with pigs lined up hanging from the verandah... a time where all seems completely wrong but love over rules everything... where the children get to play with eyes and run around haunting folk with blood... and the adults sing to old village tunes... a chance for the whole family to get together to argue, laugh and talk... where traditions are all we follow and being Italian truly comes out... this is what i call family...

as i lay each of you one by one into what seems to be the the colour to who you are and where you come from... over and over again... making sure you have not been placed into someone elses life... attempting to give you a spot in this community... and where each move i make can determine your address, parents and condition... in that moment i focus only on you...

a day of filing has made me brain dead...

sometimes i love the way winter holds you tight indoors, giving you no option but to snuggle up on the couch with a good book or movie.. although the boredom sometimes kicks in, it's really all you want to do when you get home from work... winter i'm embracing you this time round....

nothing like rain on a tin roof, cake in the oven and a bit of love on it's way over.... mmmm i love a good winters night...

i'll just wait with hopes that someday you might just walk by....

i now am surround with what i believe is all i need... but when you're present, i feel like i want more...

i hate colds...

with my nose runny, my eyes burning and my chest tightly aching... i have finally been initiated into the season of winter... where outings diminish and hot vegie soups sooth... where the only companion you find yourself sitting by on the couch is your Kleenex tissue box and the smell of eucalyptus lingers through the air...

oh cold... how i hate you...

there were many...

there were many folk there last night... all gathered together for the celebration of me... giving me feelings of overwhemness, love, happiness and friendship.... folk that i have chosen to be my family... people i have meet along my journey, each leaving a footprint in my heart... xxx

i dream't of you....

i dreamt of you last night...
i touched your face and felt the realness of your skin...
you held me like you once had before, bringing back warmth and security...
i didn't want to let go, let alone wake....
within moments you were back on that boat, whispering goodbye...
'just 5 more minutes nonno, please stay'
with tears running down my face, i saw you wave one last time...

i woke with you on my mind and a tear on my cheek... just when time was slipping us apart... we meet again...

tanti baci nonno xxx

my wish for my year.....

my wish for the year of me....

i wish to continue to be as happy as i have been for the past 28 years, bringing new hopes and adventures to discover... may i learn to be more assertive with how i feel, giving folk that chance to step that little bit closer... i wish for world peace and lower tax rates.... i wish to think healthy and feel healthy or just enough to fit into that little black dress... i hope to conquer more than the heights i reached last year... i wish that soy milk didn't cost that extra 50 cents in a latte... i wish the month of june gives us at least 1 hot day to remember...

i wish that my 29th starts with a wish and leaves with a blissful memory....

farewell...

i bid farewell to my 28th year...

you taught me that life is more than whats at the end of a beer bottle...
and that with every new experience comes knowledge, love and difference...
you taught me that it aint really true that money dont grow on trees...
you gave me knew folk to wonder with, bringing friendships i will cherish...
and teaching me the true significance of family and friends...

you taught me that i will never be the child i was but the women i will become...

thank you...

and with much love and regret

i bid farewell...

we went to that party together...
and in all that hussle and noise...
i felt you kick...
you know what, you don't have bad taste in music..

to my disfunctional but well cherished family.........

i remember the time i surprised you....
i learnt so much that day....
how much you mean to me...
how lucky i am to have you...
how much i love you...
sometimes i wish i could relive that moment over and over again...

big hugs and kisses

me

hide behind me... i'll be your shadow....